


True Histories

by tranquilsea



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Beta Wanted, Drabble, Drabble and a Half, Gen, What-If, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-31
Updated: 2018-01-31
Packaged: 2019-03-11 23:59:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13535334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tranquilsea/pseuds/tranquilsea
Summary: What if Severus Snape taught History of Magic instead of Potions?Drabble of Harry's first lesson at Hogwarts with the famously snarky professor attempting to teach the first years the "true" history of magic.





	True Histories

**Author's Note:**

> Unfortunately, I do not own Harry Potter or any of JK Rowling's work.
> 
> Vulcan was an official member of our solar system until November 1915! If you are interested in learning more about Vulcan, I would recommend 'The Hunt for Vulcan' by Thomas Levenson.

The black clad wizard stalked confidently into the now silent classroom, the large wooden door slamming ominously behind him. From his long, voluminous sleeves he withdrew his thin black wand, and flicked briefly to his collared throat. When the man spoke, his loud authoritative voice held his audience captive.

“You are here to learn the secrets of the past, to unravel the mysteries of ancient texts. There will be no ridiculous wand waving or incantations in this class. Instead, you will learn the subtle art of examining the true History of Magic.”

Suddenly, the man whirled on the scrawny, skinny boy sitting in the front row who had been dutifully scratch-scratching away with a long black feathered quill during his sermon.

“Potter!” the man snapped. “Let’s see if celebrity is truly everything. Please name me three historical events that shaped our world in the last century.”

The class looked expectantly at the boy, as his face scrunched up in fierce concentration. Beside him, a girl with bushy brown hair was eagerly raising her hand, practically bouncing up and down in her seat in anticipation.

“Put your hand down, Granger. I called on Potter to answer the question, not one of his little fan-girls.”

At this, there were appreciative dark chuckles from the group of students who wore decorative silver and green ‘S’ prominently on their cloaks. On cue, their red and gold companions scooted as far away as the narrow and confined rows would allow.

The frizzy haired girl reluctantly lowered her hand at the Professor’s admonition. She flung the boy beside her an apologetic look, as he remained silent, contemplating his answer.

Just as the Professor seemed ready to berate Potter for his stupidity, the messy haired boy suddenly spoke up:

“The first man to walk on the moon, Neil Armstrong.”

As Potter spoke, the Professor gestured wordlessly with his long, spindly wand towards a blackboard at the back of the classroom. With an worrying groan, the heavy blackboard wheeled itself to the centre of the classroom where it halted with a loud squeal. The students watched, entranced as a small piece of chalk wrote in a clear, elegant hand:

Historical Events of the Last Century

Which Shaped Our World

Then beneath that, the chalk wrote:

  1. First man (Neil Armstrong) lands on the moon in 1969.



“Go on, Mr. Potter,” instructed the Professor as the chalk hovered expectantly beside the chalkboard beside him.

“The death of Queen Victoria and the start of the Edwardian Era.”

  1. Queen Victoria dies in 1901 after ruling for 63 years.



The chalk transcribed on the board succinctly. It tapped impatiently on the board, waiting for the boy’s next statement.

“The defeat of Lord Voldemort eleven years ago by mum.”

In the astounded silence that followed, the only sound was the grating and grinding sound of the chalk on the blackboard as it wrote:

  1. Lady Lilly Jane Potter dies on October 31, 1981, the night of Lord Voldemort’s defeat.



When the piece of chalk dropped neatly down to its place on the bottom lip of the blackboard, the Professor swept down the middle of the classroom, his long black robes billowing behind him like the wings of some overgrown bat.

“And how _precisely_ did these events shape our world?” snarled the Professor as he angrily strode up the aisle. Turning sharply round, he pointed out a terrified looking, slightly chubby boy. “Longbottom, care to enlighten us?”

“N-no – I mean yes, sir,” gulped the frightened boy, turning an alarming shade of green as he quivered beneath the Professor’s indomitable stare. “I know t-that the Ed-Edwardian Era was when political p-power began shift-shifting f-f-from g-gentry to ordinary p-people.”

“Good, but could be better. Malfoy, could you expand upon Longbottom’s point?” commented the Professor meanly.

“Of course, Professor,” replied a blond haired boy rather smugly. Drawing himself up self-importantly, he drawled: “My father says that this time in history showed that even common wizards had brains, but not enough to know the _proper_ order of things.” The two goons sitting next to the Malfoy boy chuckled appreciatively.

“While it is always informative to hear about your father’s opinion on this particular topic, I believe that is not what I asked for, Mr. Malfoy,” commented the Professor acerbically.

“Yes, Professor,” apologized the boy, looking rather embarrassed to be put down by his own Head of House.

Sighing, the Professor turned to the girl Granger, who had resumed bouncing up and down eagerly in her seat. He called on her in a resigned tone: “Granger.”

She excitedly recited in a quick, breathless manner: “With the rise of trade unions, workers were becoming more politically engaged. This led to the establishment of the Labour Party, which represented the interest of those who had only gained the right to vote with the Representation of the People Act 1884.”

“Well done, Miss Granger,” congratulated the Professor sarcastically. “You managed to recite near verbatim from _The Making of the English Working Class_.”

The Professor strode back into the centre of the classroom. “History,” he intoned, “is said to be written by the victors. What I am attempting to teach you in your short seven years here is how to untangle the truth hidden underneath the underneath.”

“Let us start by examining what we know to be true. What is something universally believed to be true?” The Professor’s beady black beetle eyes scanned the now silent classroom intensely. With an irritable wave of his hands, he gestured for the class to speak up. Behind him, the chalk had arisen once more, and was drumming impatiently against the blackboard.

The class looked at each other, reluctant to answer without their strict Professor’s permission. Slowly at first, the bolder of them shouted out one or two things, and the others began to join them. Soon the classroom was filled with the student’s exclamations and silly comments:

“Socks are always smelly!”

“Professor Dumbledore was born with a 5-foot-long beard!”

The Professor suddenly silenced the classroom with a sharp slash of his long wand. “Very good,” he said, “but we shall have to work on your manners.”

He then began to read from the blackboard. Such was his power over the classroom that not one student sniggered at the first few items as he went through each point:

Universal Beliefs

(According to Y1 Gryffindors and Slytherins)

  1. Professor Severus Snape is a slimy greaseball
  2. Headmaster Albus Dumbledore has the largest collection of socks in the Wizarding World.
  3. Muggles have no magic.
  4. Gravity.
  5. All snakes go bad in the end.
  6. Professor Minerva McGonagall is the front woman for a punk band.



“Let us begin with the fourth point,” said the Professor. “Gravity is a concept that we can accept to be ‘universally true’. It ordains the natural order of the universe- what goes up, must come down. It is what allows us to track the motions of the planets with a reasonable certainty. Yet-“

As he continued to speak, he jabbed with his wand to the blackboard where the chalk was now rapidly drawing up a model of the of the sun and a small, orbiting planet.

“- the closest planet to the sun, Mercury, does not obey these laws. Why?”

“We all agreed earlier that _gravity_ ordains our universe. There are multitudes of evidence that supports our opinion-we can calculate with a reasonable degree of accuracy where a ball will land once thrown, or the trajectory of a space shuttle to the moon. What then does this imply?”

“There’s another planet in the way?” replied someone- likely Granger.

“Ten points to Gryffindor. In fact, several scientists and amateur astrologists gave this mass a name: Vulcan. They attempted to illustrate how Vulcan could solve this quandary. Yet even they could not get the numbers to work. Why?”

“The mass was wrong!”

“The numbers were incorrect?”

“Gravity is wrong!”

“Nicely put, Mr. Malfoy: Gravity is wrong. Or rather, the concept of gravity is incomplete. Mr. Potter, would you like to explain why?”

“Matter distorts space? Like when you put a really heavy object across a stretched-out sheet, it causes it to wrinkle?”

“Excellent, Mr. Potter. And thus, we have disproved gravity. We have demolished a universal truth.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
